How to develop quality, happy, strong and awesome relationships

How to develop quality, happy, strong and awesome relationships

While the need for human connection appears to be innate, the ability to form quality, strong healthy, loving and compassionate relationships however, is learned.

The ability to form a stable relationship starts to form in infancy, in a child’s earliest experiences with a caregiver who reliably meets the infant’s needs for food, care, warmth, protection, stimulation, and social contact.

Such relationships establish deeply ingrained patterns of relating to others. These patterns continue over time, and even if they can change through personal growth, therapy, coaching and through relationships themselves, they are the base for people’s behaviors, relationship dynamics and communication patterns.

If quality relationships are essential for our health and wellbeing but they do not depend on Love, then, what are the true ingredients, for quality, compassionate and connected relationships?

Relationships have a direct effect on our brain’s development

Relationships have a direct effect on our brain’s development

Our relationships play a big role in how our brain develops

Experience plays a big role in how the brain develops, even in the face of same or other risk factors. We can look at genes and other important variables as some of the many factors that contribute to a larger picture of brain growth. Genes may influence some aspects of neural growth, but there is a much fuller set of factors that contribute to our well-being than genetics alone.

How the mind unfolds, how relationships are supportive, how people feel a sense of belonging to a larger group all influence how the brain achieves and maintains integrative development at the root of our pathway toward health.

Especially influential in terms of how the brain develops—and, in turn, how we learn to calm our emotions, how we understand ourselves, and how we relate to others and the larger world—are our experiences during infancy. The relationships we have with our parents and other people who care for us when we are very young most directly shape who we become.

 

Relationships do not thrive on Love alone

Relationships do not thrive on Love alone

Our efforts as human beings are motivated by our underlying yearning for happiness and the feeling of being loved.

As humans, we have an underlying belief that it is possible to relate to others in ways that will consistently bring Love and therefore happiness into our lives.         

“We strive to attain material things (money, possessions, etc.) in the hope that we will then be in a better position to attract the love and thus the feeling of happiness that we are seeking”. 

Interestingly, even though Humans are biologically built to Love, and Love connects us to each other, relationships do not thrive on love alone. Love is one of the most profound emotions known to human beings and connects us to each other, but it is the quality of relationships and not just the Love, that are essential for health and well-being.  Quality and healthy relationships are essential for humans to feel happy and to feel loved. However, quality and healthy connections and relationships need to be learned. 

Close relationships shape our brain and who we become

Close relationships shape our brain and who we become

Our experiences in the first dozen or so years of our lives have a powerful impact on the people we become.

They influence how our brains develop during the years leading up to adolescence.

But even after these early years, relationships continue to play a crucial role in our growth and development.Genes influence some aspects of neural growth, but there is a much fuller set of factors that contribute to our well-being than genetics alone.

How the mind unfolds, how relationships are supportive, how people feel a sense of belonging to a larger group all influence how the brain achieves and maintains integrative development at the root of our pathway toward health. Especially influential in terms of how the brain develops—and, in turn, how we learn to calm our emotions, how we understand ourselves, and how we relate to others and the larger world—are our experiences during infancy. The relationships we have with our parents and other people who care for us when we are very young most directly shape who we become.

Our biological imperative drives humans to be in relationships

Our biological imperative drives humans to be in relationships

Humans are social creatures and need to be in relationships in order to survive.

Relationships are at the very core of our existence and have a lot to do with how we’ve evolved, as a species.

Every organism on this planet is ruled by a fundamental biological imperative that propels them to be in community, to be in relationship with other organisms.

Whether we are thinking about it consciously or not, our biology is pushing us to bond. The coming together of individuals in community (starting with two) is a force that drives biological evolution. From an evolutionary perspective, you literally wouldn’t be here without being connected to other humans.

Human beings are not meant to be alone. We are neurologically hardwired to connect with each other. Relationships are crucial to our survival as a human race. They facilitate our reproduction, provide love and a nurturing environment for our development, enhance our life opportunities and extend our survival. So, even if we are survivor’s of multiple failed relationships, we keep trying. But we don’t persist just for the good times. We persist because we are designed to bond.

Humans need not just to survive, they also need to flourish and thrive.

In order to flourish and thrive, the quality of the bonds we make in our lives is essential. Quality relationships are key to our health and wellbeing because they provide love and a nurturing environment for our development.

Furthermore, close relationships actually shape who we are along the lifespan.